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No, Arlet!!

First off, to any expectant parents out there, who already have a kid - give some thought to how your firstborn will or will not be able to pronounce their new sibling's name! Beautiful Charlotte is now known as Arlet to Finn, and I think it might stick! Sorry in advance Charlotte :)


In addition to totally butchering her name, Finn fully believes he is responsible for his little Arlet, including what she can play with. He's the boss and she's the minion. Consequently, she is permitted to touch several small teething toys, a pack of diaper wipes, and she is allowed to chew her own sock. Everything else in this house belongs to him. And he is not shy to let her (and anyone within a 5KM radius - those lungs!!) know.


But since Charlotte has started crawling (last week!), she has other plans. It's adorable actually, she is so busy exploring everything and is really curious. When she just sat around like a potted plant, she was very easy for Finn to supervise and make sure she wasn't daring to touch his stuff. Now, he's had to ramp up his supervision.


NO, ARLET, NO!!!! (she is reaching for his water bottle)

NO, ARLET, NO!!!! (she is getting close to a teddy he hasn't played with in 6 months)

NO, ARLET, NO!!!! (she is holding any of his million balls)


Unfortunately for him, she is totally un-fazed by this and just plows on. Down goes the tower of blocks he built. Apart come the tracks of the train set. You get the picture.


I'm on the fence here. On the one hand, I feel really bad for him because he is genuinely upset that she is touching his toys, and he is still very little himself and sharing is a learned concept. There are a lot of tears, and I know he is frustrated, poor baby. It's all new to him.


On the other hand, STOP EFFING YELLING AT YOUR SISTER AND RIPPING TOYS OUT OF HER HAND!!!


I know I'm not the only one going through this, but honestly it's gonna be a tough couple years of refereeing ahead, requiring more patience than a saint and more booze than an alcoholic. Stephan and I have decided that the way we are going to deal with this is to keep it as simple as possible.


To be honest, I don't really parent with a strategy usually. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about how to deal with things - I just do what feels right at the moment and use my gut as my guide. But I really wanted to be consistent on this because it's important to me that they learn to enjoy playing with each other, and are happy together (also, I would like to stay sane-ish and not actually become an alcoholic).


So, the rule is: if you're playing with something, it's yours. Neither of them will be allowed to take things from the other (right now it's Finn taking from Charlotte, but before long that will go both ways), and we won't force them to give up a toy to 'take turns'. Once you move on to something else, the toy becomes available for your sibling to play with. Or, if it is something you can play with together, at the same time, then you do so - like a play table with 4 sides, for example.


I like this approach because it teaches them patience, and that just because they want something doesn't mean they are entitled to it immediately. Also, even though we have to intervene a billion times a day now, as they get older, these rules are easy to follow. We won't have to manage 'whose turn it is', or how much time they have left to play with something. And we won't have to manage tantrums when they have to give something up before they are done with it. Well, that's the idea anyways...utopia awaits!


In the meantime, wish me luck dealing with all the whining and yelling ;)


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