Post-Christmas Musings of a tired mama

Let me preface this post by saying I am sick and therefore exhausted, so excuse any typos! Whatever viral respiratory disease is making the rounds now (not covid), I have had for a month and it's just lingering. Gross. Also, even when you aren't sick, making Christmas magic takes a lot out of a mama (and a daddy, but let's face it, I'm the control freak so I HAVE to do most of it myself)! The shopping, the baking, the decorating, the wrapping, the managing of the social calendar, and the school/daycare event calendars that have something going on every .single. day. Nevermind the (totally justified) school strikes. It's been a lot for parents to juggle.

And now, the absolute disaster that is our house (and everyone else's probably) after Christmas. The week between Christmas and New Year's is a wild ride. The beautiful decor you so lovingly placed out a month ago now seems like clutter, there are gift bags and boxes and bits of unidentifiable wrapping paper with a piece of tape attached all over the floor. The kitchen is never totally clean, all the new toys are just floating around, randomly scattered all over the floor, and the kitchen table is now a Lego display table. I know all this new junk - excuse me, all this new treasure - will somehow be absorbed into the house in the next few weeks, but for now it seems like nothing has a place and I'm working on it not driving me insane in the meantime!

All that aside, there is no time of the year, for me at least, that makes me more emotional and reflective

than Christmas, and forces me to stop and notice how fast time is going. Finley and Charlotte are 5 and 3 now, and this year, like every year, I can't stop thinking about how many more 'magical' Christmases we have left, Christmases that hold the wonder of a red and fur clad jolly stranger who brings you gifts just because he's a kind old man that you met at the mall. I hope it doesn't happen for awhile yet, but realistically there's an expiration on that magic, and because of that I create a lot of pressure on myself for everything to be perfect. Cue more exhaustion...but I love it.

Time is such a weird thing. When they're babies, it's like they don't exist as independent people yet - you're one entity - a dyad, yes, but ONE dyad. Almost as though they're still part of you, and you feel physically incomplete without them. As they get bigger though, something unexpected happens right in front of you - they become their own person. You don't see it unfolding because it happens so slowly...but they venture further and further on their own until one day, that imaginary physical string is cut. Of course, you're still their safe space, and there are so many hugs and cuddles - but it's two people hugging now, not two halves of one whole.

Describing this makes me so sad because I already miss the babies they were, but the upside of having little kids instead of babies is that now I can see the world through their eyes and experiences - and the world is an amazing and magical place to a child at Christmas. It's a world where it makes total sense for Santa to be at three malls but also at the North Pole making toys. Where it's entirely feasible for an Elf (ours is named Lars) to fly back to the North Pole every night and come back in time to make mischief before morning (even before OUR morning which usually starts around 4:30 - no wonder I'm tired LOL). Their imagination has no limits and it's incredible. But - it's also a time-limited experience, so I am trying to soak it all in. Finn, at 5, believes fiercely, but his clever little critical mind might already start to be doubting. I didn't think so at all, but one morning in mid-December, we woke up to Lars sitting in a box of cereal on the counter. And wouldn't you know it, that cheeky little elf took a video of himself on my phone so the kids could watch him the next day in action (he did this a few times!). The kids watched the video in stunned silence that morning and they were enthralled. But when it was done, Finn looked at Charlotte and said "I knew it! Lars IS real!" Like - WHAT?!? I had no idea he was even questioning Lars' existence! It was a reminder that this magic won't last forever and it stuck with me.

So I'm going to draw it out this year. I won't stress about the mess they're making all over the house, or the lego pieces everywhere, or the chocolate they ate for breakfast. I'm going to sit down and watch them play, because it's facinating to see their little minds and imaginations working together (right now they've rearranged all the furniture into an obstacle course and the floor is lava)! And I'm going to NOT think about how many more magical Christmases we have and just focus on this one and my little big kids :)

Wishing everyone a Happy Holiday time!!