Resolutions
I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, so this isn't so much one of those as it is an opportunity for self-reflection and course correction.
Yesterday, the doorbell rang, as it has nearly every day since the start of the pandemic. Finn sprang up from the floor where he was playing and went running. "Amazon Man!!!" he yelled, while sprinting to the door to wave through the window.
And who can blame him for being excited to see the Amazon Man? Every day is like Christmas in this house. One minute you have a random thought about something that might be fun to have, and the next day, it magically shows up on your doorstep. Plastic mould to make duck shaped snowballs? Check. Faux fur hair clips for the baby? Check. Toboggan? Check. Cute 2021 agenda? Check. Bath bombs? Check. You get the idea.
Back in the day (like, 5 years ago), if you wanted something, you needed to get up off your bum, get out of your ratty sweatpants, put on some mascara, drive your ass to the store, fight for a parking spot, get annoyed by the crowds, and finally...pick up what you wanted. If they had it. Otherwise you had to get back in the car and start over somewhere else. Would I have made that trip for a snowball mould? I think not.
And while I am not going to dispute the convenience factor, there are a couple of very troubling things about my buying habits these days (and I'm willing to bet it's not just me).
First, the STUFF. Do we need all this stuff? How does it improve the quality of life for me or my family? Sure, some stuff does (the monthly coffee subscription for example, non-negotiable). But most of the stuff that shows up here is far from necessary, and beyond the initial thrill (Amazon Man!!), it doesn't bring value to our lives. It's sending a terrible message to kids, and it's creating an awful habit of needing instant gratification for me. The time between having a fleeting thought about wanting something, to opening the app and hitting the order button, is usually less than 5 minutes. It's a quick but short-lived high.
The more I think about it, the more I think we filling the gaping hole in our lives where our social life used to be with all this STUFF. We think we need all this stuff to keep us busy, stave off boredom. What else are we going to do in a pandemic??
Or maybe it's some sort of PTSD, stemming from last spring when we couldn't get things we actually needed (I'm looking at you, toilet paper)? So we think we need to stock up on everything, while we can still get it? Like squirrels hoarding nuts for the Winter, are we hoarding random stuff to ride out the rest of this nightmare??
Second, the Amazon Man (not the delivery man, the real Amazon guy), has more than enough money to last many, many lifetimes. He doesn't need any more. You know who does? The local shop. You know who else does? We do. I need to get more selective about where to spend our money, and in fact whether it needs to be spent at all (again, the duck mould. I have regrets). It's not even the actual amount of money spent, it's the principle. See point one - the STUFF!!
All that said, am I vowing to stop shopping online altogether? No, of course not. Given the restrictions in place, it's just necessary in some cases (not to mention safer, even when things were all open). And I won't discount the convenience factor, even when things go back to normal. We were online shopping before this pandemic, and will continue doing so after, for sure. BUT - I am pledging to take a more deliberate approach, as opposed to my very impulse behaviour now. My approach? Leave things in the cart for 24 hours before ordering. When I do that now, usually because something distracts me, and I don't place the order right away, I almost always delete it when I come back. Surprisingly effective!!
So that's my self-improvement project, starting now. Because, at the end of the day, I want my kids to see that all we really need to be happy is each other, present in the moment, and healthy.
And that coffee delivery, of course.
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